Deep Inside The Modric Saga
When Luka Modric performed a masterful audition for the part of BA Baracus in the Croatian reboot of the A-Team, a little bit of hope died in me. My blind optimism that Lill’ Luka, my girlfriends favourite player would see the error of his ways and change his mind, set sail.
Here is a man who is paid millions to do something I spend around £20 a week to try and do, walking out on Tottenham, the club that has driven me to despair since the late 80’s.
The realisation that playing for Tottenham isn’t good enough for little Luka, is a bitter pill to swallow, thankfully though I have an Arsenal sized spoon of RVP branded sugar to sweeten it.
The two North London rivals are in serious trouble of losing ground on not only the Manchester duo, but the Champions League winners across the Thames. Footballing Reasons has a lot to answer for.
Despite my spirit being broken Bruce Wayne style, I was still able to deploy my contacts and find out what has been going on behind the scenes.
Luka Modric: No, I am not getting on no plane, no way.
AVB: Luka please get on the plane.
LM: No, I was promised move to a big team, yet still I am here, new kit, new boss but same stadium, same players. Luka is fed up, Luka wants new challenge. Luka has been learning some Spanish
AVB: Let me explain to you my project.
Advisor: (Whispered) AVB, please remember project word is bad, instead use words like we, progress, titles and team
AVB: Ok, we want to build a team for titles, to win….
LM: Luka wants sun, Luka wants real Mourinho and Luka wants Champions League. My agent says don’t get on no plane, and he said to make sure I make a scene. So I repeat. No plane, no flying, no more nothing.
Stewardess: Excuse me we really need to get this plane in the air; please can you either get on or move away?
LM: Do you fly to Madrid from here?
Stewardess: Yes we do; you want to go to Madrid? Do you have your parents or a guardian here to take you?
LM: Luka a man, Luka no baby, take me to Madrid NOW. I wanna go…. AVB you listen to me Luka wants…
AVB walks towards the plane.
Jenas, Bentley and Bassong: Boss!!! Boss!! Sit here Boss!! Boss!! We saved you a seat.
LM: Hi can I speak to Robin please.
Receptionist: Who is this?
LM: This is me, Luka. Who are you?
R: I am the receptionist at the Manchester Hilton, I have been told not to connect anyone to someone we have here.
LM: Please tell him it’s me and I need to chat. Luka has issues with fake Mourinho, Robin is very good out getting out of situations that get out of control. Please connect.
R: Do you always speak like this?
At Tottenham’s new training ground
Levy: Good afternoon Joao, welcome to Tottenham, before we continue, please sign the contract.
Joao Moutinho: errrrrm I am here only for a chat. You said I could leave my advisor in Portugal?
Levy: Don’t worry, just sign away, here’s my pen. We look good together.
(Banging and muffled shouts can be heard)
JM: What is that noise?
Levy: Nothing that you should be worried about. Sign.
JM: Its sounds like someone is…
Levy: Come now Joao, have I told you about NDP? Sign.
(Adopts intense stare)
JM: Okay, but we have an agreement, if Madrid come for me, you can let me leave? Can we write that in the contract?
Levy: No need, shake my hand and it is done. Sign away.
(More muffled noises and a mobile rings).
JM: Okay, but what happens if I don’t sign?
(looks around nervously as Levy reaches for something in his draw as phone continues to ring)
Levy: Nothing. Just think very carefully about it. If you need somewhere to think, I have just the right place.
(Removes Duck tape and wire from draw)
Meanwhile at the same time across London
Adebayor’s friend: He should be here, he is late, he is never late.
Adebayor’s friend 2: He said he was seeing someone about a contract, he should be here.
AF1: Let’s ring him……Hmm no answer.
In cigar club, West London.
LM: Errg the smoke errrughh stop that.
Berbatov: Happiness is a cigar little one.
LM: Not for me, happiness for me Big Dimi is big games, in a big stadium, with real manager not fake knock off.
Berb: Listen to me, I was so keen to move to win things, but it didn’t work. Yes I won medals, and cups and was top goalscorer but I was never happier than when I was at White Hart Lane. Stay Luka, don’t go.
LM: I am going, when Luka decides something, Luka does it. There is nothing you can say to change my mind.
(Phone rings, Luka looks at caller Id)
LM: Its Levy, this is it, yes I can go.
LM: Hello Luka’s phone
LM: Hello, Luka speaking……Hello…Mr Levy? Mourinho?
Levy: Dick. You’re fined two weeks. Cross me again and you will be walking like Niko runs.